Unlocking Blocked Care
“After years of burnt-out parenting the benefits were nothing less than profound. Thank goodness”
m.k. training participant, los angeles
When the child we love is the same child who attacks and rejects us, the risk of compassion fatigue is high, which is why I help parents keep their heads in the short term, and stay resilient over the long-term.
We are biologically designed to be in reciprocal, attuned and mutually loving relationships with our children. At least for some of the time!
So when our child consistently responds to our love, care and authority with control, attack or rejection, it’s no wonder our own attachment and nervous systems get triggered.
Without sufficient support, our brain’s automatic self-protective defences take charge, and we end up escalating rather than easing the situation. We behave in ways that violate our values, and who believe ourselves to be.
Over time, our child’s dysregulation, trauma, rage, and shame is fuelled by our own. The effect is multiplied when we feel misunderstood, under-resourced or under-valued (which is common in our blame, shame and punishment obsessed culture).
Eventually, our brain’s caregiving systems shut down - a term that Dan Hughes and Jonathan Baylin refer to as ‘blocked care’.
We don’t just lose our head in the heat of the moment, our hearts no longer feel they have any love left to give. We end up going through the motions, devoid of hope, spirit and inspiration.
How can we care when our love is spat back in our face? How can we be playful when our offers are rejected? How do we keep our eyes shining when we witness so much hurt?
The usual self-care advice means well, but it underestimates the impact that stress, trauma and threat can have on our body, beliefs and behaviour.
A bath can’t relax us, if we spend it soaking in shame.
A walk won’t clear our head, when we worry the curtains will be set on fire as soon as our back is turned.
We can’t stop and smell the flowers, when we feel under attack
Holding Steady To What Matters
That’s why I teach tools and practices that are designed to act as an antidote to chronic stress, disconnection and helplessness.
Whether you are feeling irritated, angry, shut down or totally burnt-out, I know it is possible to restore the courage and curiosity you need to be your child’s safe anchor and strong advocate
I know it is possible to reclaim your confidence and compassion
I know it is possible to get back in touch with your dignity, hope and inspiration, and hold on to them when you are under pressure.
And when you know that is possible, you can also trust you can reconnect with your child, from a place of understanding, empathy and love. Even when they are at their worst. Because that’s when they need you most.
Book your FREE, no obligation, 30 minute session with Kirstie
“As our bodies come to believe we are safe and loved, we naturally reach outward into the world, with empathy and love, seeking connection with all beings”
— Dr Vanissar Tarakali
“The expectation that we can be immersed in suffering and loss daily and not be touched by it is as unrealistic as expecting to be able to walk through water without getting wet.”
~ Rachel Remen ~
Book your training.
Please get in touch if you are interested in personal coaching, or you would like some bespoke training for your organisation or group.
“The workshop was invaluable. I finally know how to make a REAL difference to my family”
— Fiona Walsh, adoptive mum of 2