Parenting
Beyond Shame
A 6 week course for growing shame-resilient families
Learn practical tools to reclaim your parent power, nurture your child’s self-worth and break the intergenerational cycle of shame
8 January to 21 February 2021
In this 6 week foundation course, you will learn how to…
Recognise shame’s impact
Reduce shame triggers
Release stuck shame
Restore protection and boundaries
Reclaim dignity, worth and belonging
Reconnect with pleasure and aliveness
Repair relationships after rupture
Resist repeating the past
Reimagine your family’s future
Rise strong in the face of shaming culture
Shame may be pervasive, but it likes to stay hidden and acts out in disguise, so we don’t always know it’s shame we are dealing with. Where does it come from? What does it look like? Is there such thing as healthy shame? How can you reduce shame triggers, resist taking on the shame that isn’t yours, and avoid passing it on to others?
This course will show you how.
Kick shame to the kerb.
Parent-shaming may have gone into overdrive thanks to social media, but it’s nothing new. And the judgement of others fades in comparison to the harsh words of our own inner critic. No wonder we never feel like a good enough parent, no matter how hard we try and how much we love.
Shame has good intentions, but misused, stuck and unprocessed shame feels bad and shuts down our confidence and self worth. It chokes our potential and capacity for pleasure. It drives us to act in ways towards our children that violate our values. And it’s contagious.
The shame of shame slides us into a pit of helplessness and isolation, preventing us from repairing relationships, reaching for what we care about, or receiving support.
The good news is, when we become shame-smart, we reclaim our power, worth and wellbeing. We can discipline our children whilst building connection, trust and resilience, without resorting to distorting the natural shame response. We create the kind of families we long to belong to.
But we can’t do that simply by talking about shame, because shame is a visceral, embodied, experience. If we want to change our shame stories, we have to first change our shame state. That’s why this course not only introduces you to the theories for shame-proofing your parenting, but includes practical, embodied exercises that are key to changing your relationship and responses to shame.
“
It was soooo amazing. The content was deeply thought-provoking.
The exercises were really powerful. I highly recommend it”
— Amanda C.. mum of 2, shame-proof parenting
Over 18 hours of learning, direct to your living room…
Who Is it For?
parents
people who have parents
educators, social workers, therapists, counsellors
somatic/embodiment coaches and practitioners
it is especially suited to parents/carers of children with traumatic shame histories
How Does It Work?
6 weeks of online learning, downloadable for life-time access
6 pre-recorded learning modules delivered in easy to digest lesson
6 LIVE 90 minute weekly video classes
Embodied exercises to put your learning into practice
Every Friday, a new module will be posted on the course platform (your student account will be automatically created when you sign up). Each module consists of several easy to digest, pre-recorded lessons and experiential practices, so you can view them in your own time, as often as you like.
On the Sunday of the following week (so you have 9 days to digest the material) there will be a 90 minute LIVE review, practice and q and a session via ZOOM. You are strongly encouraged to attend, but if it’s not possible, this will be recorded and posted up on the course platform.
What is the time investment?
The recorded and live sessions will take approximately 3 hours a week in total, and you are encouraged to incorporate the experiential exercises into your everyday parenting throughout the week. The material for each module will be summarised in the live session. Because all the course materials are available as recordings for a lifetime, you can refer back to them as often as you like and learn at your own pace.
What support is available?
There will be opportunities to ask questions in the course platform and during the live session. Whilst one to one support is not included within the course, participants may receive coaching with Kirstie at a specially reduced rate.
The extent of your participation and sharing of material is entirely at your discretion. Conversations and exercises will inevitably elicit some emotions, feelings and sensations, and you will be guided to how to be present to them safely, with curiosity and care, but this is not therapy or counselling and participation assumes you have a degree of resiliency on board. If you are in doubt about whether the course is suitable for you, please contact me.
Course Description
Shame is part of the human condition, and the potential for shame is wired into every relationship, across cultures and mammalian species. The problem is in the way it gets distorted and misused. So, what exactly is shame and what do we do with it? We know that denying it, ignoring it or suppressing it rarely works, so what will? What does a shame-resilient family actually look like, and what steps can we take to move towards it?
This course offers an introduction to how you can change your relationship to shame, specifically in relation to parenting. It helps you gain insight and perspective behind your own and your child’s behaviours, and shift how you feel about yourself and your parenting. You will learn about the origins of shame, how it shows up in parenting, and ways to transform shame patterns, with concrete examples of shame-proof teaching and discipline.
The course takes a creative, resource and resiliency-building approach, with lessons drawing on diverse wisdoms from neurobiology, somatic psychology, anthropology, mythology and even a little poetry, but mostly body-centred practice, because what we practice, we become. We won’t be excavating past wounds (it’s not therapy) but you will be invited to get gently curious about shame patterns as they arise in the present, honouring their protective power, whilst learning to embody new ways of parenting that align with your values.
Week by Week Summary
Module One.
Shame 101: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly
Centre in Support
Learn about the nature and neurobiology of shame; where it comes from, why it’s there, and how it gets distorted and misused. Discover how it shows up in your body, beliefs and behaviours, and learn what a shame-resilient family might look like. Understand the importance of centred accountability, and explore your relationship with support.
Module Two.
Introduction to Counter-Shaming Practices
Centre in Compassion
It isn’t enough to be shame aware, we have to intentionally counter-the-shame that already runs high. Learn the three powerful parenting tools that act as antidotes to shame, helplessness and isolation, restore relational safety and trust, and help you embrace the discomfort of imperfection and not knowing with grace and ease.
Module Three.
Introduction to Shame Resiliency practices
Centre in Dignity
Shame puts the brakes on what we know to be right speech or action. Learn ways to increase self-agency and integrity, through shaping your present towards the future and values you care deeply about. When you act on purpose, you get to choose how you measure your own dignity and worth, rather than be at the mercy of external judgement.
Module Four.
Introduction to Shame Recovery Practices
Centre in Belonging
Shame acts like a wet blanket, shutting down our capacity to feel, to reach, and authentically express. Learn how to support your kids to feel and deal with emotions, through reclaiming your own body and its healthy desires, restoring with what nourishes and satisfies you, and by increasing your capacity to sit with intensity. Learn why healthy aggression and disgust hold the key to compassionate boundaries.
Module Five.
Shifting Shame States to stay Shame-Smart
Centre under Pressure
Not all shame is the same. This week offers an overview of four different ways to respond to shame states; including when to resource it, resist it, release it or process it, and what’s the difference. Learn how to approach early developmental shame, interrupt shame-storms as they arise, meet and move stuck shame at the end of the day, and return shame that is not yours to hold.
Module Six.
How to teach without shame
Advocating through Resistance
Learn concrete tools for shame-proof teaching and discipline, including how to support children with traumatic shame histories, who resist, shut down or try to engage in power struggles when receiving empathy, praise or validation. What to say, what to do, what to avoid, and how to be a confident advocate for your family in the face of social shaming.
Tackling taboos.
Foster/adoptive and kinship parents can feel especially shame-soaked when children join our families with unconscious behaviours designed to repel us. When we face a daily diet of threats, spit and poop, we risk taking on our child’s trauma as our own, acting in ways we regret, reinforced by the critical gaze of our community and the judgement of those we reach out to for help. Don’t worry I get it, because I’ve been there! I have designed this training for you, too!
Class Times 8 Jan-21 Feb 2021
(Live class time tba)
Module 1 :
Starts Friday January 8th
Live Class Sunday January 17th
Module 2
Starts Friday January 15th
Live Class Sunday January 24th
Module 3
Starts Friday January 22nd
Live Class Sunday January 31st
Module 4
Starts Friday January 29th
Live Class Sunday February 7th
Module 5
Starts Friday February 5th
Live Class Sunday February 14th
Module 6
Starts Friday February 12th
Live Class Sunday 21st
Your teacher.
Kirstie is an international teacher and founder of Embodied Parent Education. She experienced the impact of chronic and developmental shame on herself, and her children as she moved through her fostering/adoption journey. She went on to study with somatic shame experts including Caryn Scotto D’Luzia (cert. Level 1 AST shame model), Sheila Rubin and Bret Lyon, and she is influenced by the teachings of Pat Ogden, Janina Fisher amongst others.
Kirstie says, “My clients - each of them extraordinary and wise - have often kept their struggle behind closed doors before sharing it with me, ashamed at the extent of the chaos in their homes. The secrecy becomes a burden which spirals shame in on itself, risking further fracturing of relationships. That’s why I believe it’s is time to tenderly and courageously nudge shame out of the shadows, so we can reclaim our innate aliveness, dignity and belonging, and nurture the same in our children. Together, we can break the intergenerational cycle of shame”
“Working with Kirstie has really helped me to understand more about why my son might behave in the way he does. I now feel much calmer with him and have developed a number of coping strategies that have significantly improved our relationships and family life as a whole. The sessions have also made a huge different to how I feel about myself as a parent”
Richard Wade, Dad of 4
Investment
Early Bird Price Available NOW
only £179.00
(regular price £225)
“This stuff is gold dust. It’s the what, the why, but most importantly the how. A triple whammy of in-the-trenches parenting strategies, with body-based learning to put it into practice, and someone who really gets it, because they’ve been there. It’s what I’ve been looking for all along”
— Jane T, Teens Counsellor, Step Mum
“As our bodies come to believe we are safe and loved, we naturally reach outward into the world, with empathy and love, seeking connection with all beings”
— Dr Vanissar Tarakali .